Study in Germany Reveals Gender Norms in Ideal Number of Sexual Partners: 4–5 for Men, 2–3 for Women

A study in Social Psychological and Personality Science surveyed over 340 participants in Germany to determine the socially acceptable number of sexual partners. Findings suggest men should ideally have 4 to 5 lifetime partners, while women should have 2 to 3. The study highlights persistent gender norms and societal judgments on sexual behavior, revealing a preference for moderate sexual experience. It also notes a double standard, with men criticized for too few partners and women for too many. The study reflects broader cultural patterns in Western societies despite being geographically limited to Germany.

Surveying Social Norms: The Methodology

The study, conducted in Germany, focused on how society evaluates the sexual activity of a hypothetical 25-year-old individual. Researchers asked participants to assess various aspects of sexual behavior, including the number of sexual partners, frequency of sex, and masturbation habits. The goal was to determine what levels of sexual activity are viewed most favorably by society.

The participant pool consisted of over 340 individuals, offering a snapshot of contemporary attitudes toward sexual norms. While the study was geographically limited to Germany, its findings reflect broader cultural patterns that resonate across Western societies.

The “Ideal” Numbers: Moderate Experience Preferred

According to the study, the socially acceptable number of lifetime sexual partners differs by gender:

Men: 4 to 5 partners, with 2 to 3 of those being casual hookups.
Women: 2 to 3 partners, with only 1 to 2 casual flings.

These numbers are notably lower than the actual average. A separate poll conducted by Talker Research for LELO found that the average American has had 14 sexual partners over their lifetime. This discrepancy highlights a gap between real-life behavior and societal expectations.

The researchers noted, “Contrary to common assumptions, moderate rather than extremely low or extremely high levels of sexual activity are most valued for both genders.” This suggests that while sexual experience is not frowned upon, excess in either direction—too few or too many partners—can lead to social disapproval.

Gendered Expectations: A Persistent Double Standard

The study also revealed that societal judgments are not applied equally to men and women. Men are often criticized for having too few partners, reinforcing the stereotype that male sexual prowess is linked to quantity. On the other hand, women face scrutiny for having too many partners, reflecting enduring cultural expectations around female chastity.

For men, the average age of first sexual experience was reported to be between 18 and 20. For women, it was slightly earlier, between 16 and 18. These age ranges align with broader demographic data but also underscore the different social narratives surrounding male and female sexuality.

The researchers observed, “There are both similarities and differences in the societal evaluation of male and female sexuality.” While both genders are expected to maintain a moderate level of sexual activity, the thresholds for what is considered “too much” or “too little” vary significantly.

Secrecy and Selective Disclosure

In a related survey of 2,000 sexually active adults, 26% of people in relationships admitted to keeping their number of past sexual partners a secret. Of those, 16% said they intentionally reported a lower number when asked. Interestingly, 60% said their partner never brought up the topic, and 1 in 9 suspected their partner might be lying about their own count.

This tendency toward secrecy suggests that social judgment around sexual history remains a sensitive issue. While 83% of singles claimed they would be honest about their body count, only 62% said they actually wanted to know their partner’s number. This ambivalence reflects the tension between transparency and the fear of judgment.

Cultural Context and Social Pressures

The study’s findings are particularly striking when viewed against the backdrop of modern sexual culture. Despite increasing openness about sex in media and public discourse, traditional norms continue to influence how people perceive and report their sexual histories.

Men, for instance, may feel pressure to inflate their numbers to appear more experienced, while women may downplay theirs to avoid negative labels. These pressures can affect not only how individuals present themselves but also how they navigate relationships and intimacy.

The study also noted that societal expectations can influence behavior from a young age. The earlier average age of first sexual experience for women may reflect both biological and social factors, including peer influence and cultural messaging about femininity and desirability.

A Snapshot of Modern Sexual Norms

While the study focused on a specific demographic—25-year-olds in Germany—it offers valuable insights into broader societal attitudes. The preference for moderate sexual experience suggests a balancing act: enough experience to be seen as mature and desirable, but not so much as to invite judgment.

These findings contribute to a growing body of research exploring how social norms shape sexual behavior. They also highlight the importance of understanding the cultural context in which these norms are formed and maintained.