Adoptive Family Honors Birth Mothers on Mother's Day Through Open Adoptions of Four Children

An adoptive family celebrates Mother's Day by honoring both adoptive and birth mothers. Over seven years, the couple adopted four children through open adoptions, allowing contact with birth families. Each Mother's Day, they send cards to birth mothers, respecting each child's comfort level. The adoptive mother emphasizes openness and respect, rejecting secrecy to foster identity and belonging. She views the day as a tribute to all maternal figures in her children's lives, highlighting the importance of mutual respect and transparency in open adoption.

A Family Built Through Open Adoption

The couple, who adopted four children over a seven-year span, have embraced open adoption as the foundation of their family structure. Open adoption, unlike closed adoption, allows for ongoing communication between birth and adoptive families. This can include anything from letters and emails to in-person visits, depending on the comfort level and agreement of all parties involved.

In this family’s case, each adoption includes some form of contact with the birth family. The degree of openness varies, but the guiding principle remains the same: transparency and respect. The adoptive mother explains that their home is one where secrecy has no place, as it can lead to shame. Instead, the children are raised with a clear understanding of their origins and the people who brought them into the world.

Honoring All Mothers on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day in this household is a multi-faceted celebration. Each year, the family selects greeting cards to send to the children’s birth mothers. The children are given the choice to sign the cards or leave them unsigned, depending on their comfort level. The adoptive mother sometimes signs the cards herself, writing from one mother to another.

This practice is not about obligation but about offering space for each child to express themselves authentically. “I respect that adoption is quite complex, and my kids aren't forced to have motherly vibes just because there's a holiday,” she says. “However my kids feel on Mother's Day is entirely valid.”

The adoptive mother emphasizes that she does not feel the need to compete with her children’s birth mothers. Instead, she views the day as an opportunity to honor all the women who have played a maternal role in her children’s lives. “There is room for all mothers — and those who mother — on Mother's Day,” she says.

A Relationship Built on Mutual Respect

The family’s approach to open adoption is rooted in mutual respect and shared love for the children. The adoptive mother speaks of the birth mothers with deep admiration, describing their stories as sacred and their identities as private—not out of shame, but out of respect. “These women birthed my children, and their DNA runs through my children's veins,” she says.

She also rejects the notion that adoptive parents should be placed on a pedestal. When strangers commend her for adopting children “in need,” she is quick to correct them: “We, the parents, are the lucky ones. After all, we get the honor of being their second and adoptive family.”

Navigating the Complexities of Open Adoption

Open adoption is not without its challenges. The adoptive mother acknowledges that the process is often a “live and learn” experience, requiring humility, grace, and clear communication. Boundaries and expectations must be mutually agreed upon and revisited as relationships evolve.

Despite the complexities, the family believes that openness empowers their children. “A common misconception is that my children are confused because they have access to communication with their first mothers. This is completely untrue,” she says. “We feel that we empower our kids by giving them the information and access they are entitled to.”

A Home Without Secrecy

From the moment each child was placed in their arms, the adoptive parents have spoken openly about adoption and the role of the birth family. The children are raised with the understanding that they have two families, and both are important. This openness is a deliberate choice, aimed at fostering a sense of identity and belonging.

The adoptive mother recalls a poignant moment when her oldest child turned nine months old—the same amount of time she had spent with her birth mother. “This revelation brought me to tears,” she says. “I have nothing but love and respect for each of my children's first mothers.”

A Model of Inclusive Celebration

This family’s inclusive celebration of Mother’s Day offers a model for how adoptive families can honor the full spectrum of motherhood. By recognizing the contributions of both adoptive and birth mothers, they create a space where all maternal figures are valued.

Their story illustrates how open adoption, when approached with respect and transparency, can foster meaningful relationships that benefit everyone involved—especially the children. In their home, Mother’s Day is not about choosing one mother over another. It is about acknowledging the layered, interconnected roles that make up a child’s story.